RAIN: A Practical, Multi-Use Therapy Tool

Rain is one of my favorite tools to use in therapy. It was created by Tara Brach as a mindfulness meditation, but I find it is also really useful for helping people learn about their feelings and make sense of them. RAIN is an acronym:

R stands for recognition. Recognizing means to name what you’re feeling in the moment. We don’t learn about feelings and mental health in school, so many of us struggle with this first step. Using a feelings wheel, which shows the core emotions of sad, mad, happy, afraid, surprised, and disgusted, with subcategories for each, is helpful. 

Words I hear in the therapy room that clue me into unrecognized feelings are ‘frustrated’ (this gets used for so many feelings), ‘stressed’, and ‘anxious’. Anxiety is often connected to unfelt or unrecognized feelings. After recognizing/ identifying the feeling— frequently there is more than one— you move to the next step.

A is for Allowing. Allowing is a real challenge, but it is a skill that you can learn. Allowing means to let the feeling be there. To not try to squelch it, distract yourself from it, or judge it. Judging feelings is so common, but it makes us feel worse and invalidates the feeling. Judging creates a meta-feeling, which is a feeling about a feeling. Say you’ve been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant and you find out that your best friend is pregnant. It would be very human to feel envy in that moment because we feel envy when someone else has something we want.

However, an inner voice might say that envy isn’t what you “should” be feeling. That actually you should feel only very happy positive feelings plus you should now feel guilty and bad for envy to even cross your mind. The first feeling of envy was already painful and complicated and the second feeling of guilt only makes you feel worse. Guilt is a complex topic for another time, but for now just know that the mantra to practice for allowing is “It’s okay to feel this way”. No matter what feeling it is.

I stands for Investigation. With investigation, you’re getting curious about what you are feeling. What happened before this feeling came up? Is this a familiar feeling? When have I felt it before? It’s calming to give a feeling context. We can’t always answer these questions, but when we can get curious about a feeling, it puts us into an observer role within ourselves. Being in an observer role can give a healthy distance plus a sense of understanding. 

N is for Nurture. This one is, maybe you’re noticing a pattern here, also pretty hard at first if you aren’t used to doing it. But like the other steps, it is a skill that anyone can learn with practice. Nurturing means responding to your feeling with compassion— slowing down to notice what you need and what might be helpful. Often, when you practice this skill, you’ll see that you might need a few different things.

In the envy scenario above, a nurturing response would be to validate your envy, “Yes, it makes sense that I felt envy. It’s okay that I feel that.” You might then want a hug from a partner or friend, or to cry, to snuggle a pet, to write out all your feelings, or to talk with someone you really trust and feel safe with like a friend, partner, or therapist.

Rain provides clear steps and a practical anchor to return to when you feel out of sorts. With practice, it helps people get to know themselves and to eventually feel less guilt, shame, and anxiety. You can use it with or without a therapist. It also is a good encapsulation of what a person learns to do in therapy.

If you are interested in having support through therapy, I’d love to hear from you. To get started, reach out or book an appointment here.